Just Another Shit Show Weekend

Thank you Fran-scene for all the extra footage... it's truly priceless
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Here is one of the pics I took... The videos really make this post!

Extra clips from Saturday day/night

WE FOUND THE CAT!!!!

I decided to be nice to my friend and not post her parody until she's done it and edited it... It's going to be amazing! The sincerest form of flattery and I'm fucking stoked for it!!

Sunday Night, Me and Roomie
I know, We fancy huh?

Just for shits and giggles I'll add the few songs that played over and over and over again in our house on Saturday night. This is of course after they were done playing all of my YouTube videos and grew tired of making fun of me! :) *My roomies and all of their friends here are all from Cleveland which explains one of the songs. 

And yes, we know we have problems.

The Inevitable

**Correction when I said "break up" it was more breaking it off... but now that I think about it - can't lose something you never had, right?

Hope you enjoyed my misery! Subscribe!!

Baby Proof

This is what you should be weary of when deciding what to baby proof and what not to.

The Sticky

The majority of the shenanigans when down at either my house or Jessica's because our parents were seldomly home. There was one particular day where the 4 of us were sitting around at Jessica's and we were getting tired of beating each other up. I'm not sure if that's normal for girls to do... but I always got into physical battles with my friends. Not to hurt them it was just our thing. We were all standing in the kitchen (Jessica's bed room was right off of it) and I'm not sure really who started it, but the next thing I know we are all chasing each other around the kitchen with all the sweets you could imagine... we're talking honey, maple syrup, chocolate sauce, any and all super sticky sweet shit! This battle went on until we had all run out of amo, we look around and there was shit splattered all over everything. The once white walls had streaks and smudges of brown and honey gold. At this point we were covered head to toe, it must have been a warm day because I remember we all had shorts on. The reason why I remember this is because we were all cleaning up our mess before Jess's mom got home and the remnants of our food fight was starting to dry so I reached down and pulled my shorts from my leg to stop it from sticking - I screamed, it was like a leg wax I had pulled skin off my leg it was stuck so bad.

We do the best half assed job we could to clean up our mess and then argued about who was hopping in the shower first. Since all of us were in 7th grade and being bitches we could not come up with any agreement as to who was going first. Well, there was only one fair way to settle this... we all throw on a bathing suit and hop in the shower (for all you pervs out there... we were in 7th grade, you creep!). The shower was another battle royal, elbows flying, everyone of us fighting over shampoo, who got the most time in the direct stream of the water, etc. Jess and I were more laid back then Remi and Shannon, her and I just sat there and did our own thing while those two fought tooth and nail over the last of the conditioner. I believe Remi was the one victorious in this particular throw down. We all get out of the shower and by then Jess's mom was home and inspecting our handy work. She called us a bunch of assholes and told us we needed to clean it up. We all protested that we did in fact clean it up however everything in the kitchen was covered in a layer of sticky shit. We did another round of cleaning and Shannon and I headed home this is when I got the pleasure of listening to Shannon complain all the way home to the other side of town about the conditioner incident.

Needless to say Jess's house was sticky for a couple months after that.

Glass Fight Weekend

Here's some listening music while reading

After polishing off the remaining booze in the house the Roomie was finally awake and we headed to the store to replenish the supply. I had invented "Diva Days" a while back and they are usually held on Sundays (not in this instance) but it includes sunglasses on in or outdoors, lots of drinking and minimal movement. We get to the store and I climb into the shopping chart - walking is for peasants on Diva Day. We walked around and the boys were picking up random items, including but not limited to, produce and beaming me with it - we are shit housed and it wasn't even 8am. I was video recording the entire walk through the store - this I can not upload due to the identities of my characters being compromised, just know it's hilarious and if I can figure out how to blackout their faces I'll upload it for your enjoyment... until then, deal with it. We walked around the store like hurricanes of drunkness throwing stuff around, yelling, crashing me into every pole in the place and arguing about what groceries we are going to get and which we were not. I was making crab eggs Benedict (which turned out pretty good considering) we had several items in the cart including eggs, produce, etc. Phil decides it's time for me to go for a "ghost ride" down the aisle, meaning he pushes the cart as hard as he could and sends me down the empty aisle. This results in me crashing into a large pole and my Roomie sticking out his foot at the same time to "save" me. This maneuver causes the cart to flip over, shit flew every where and I do a somersault out of the cart, all the groceries are scattered on top of me and all over the floor. The eggs we're ruined at this point (obviously), every single one was cracked, so our next move is back to the eggs to replace the broken one for usable ones all the while making a mockery of ourselves. Still to this day, I have no idea why I'm still allowed back in this store... I've done crazy shit like this time and time again and never a word has been said to me nor do I know why we weren't asked to leave at all on this particular day -  this was by far the best trip ever.

We get back to the house and continue to drink, Phil makes the statement that "we" have to go pick up Fitzy from the airport sometime later in the day. We come up with brilliant/drunk ideas as to how we were going to get her and decided that she couldn't be mad at us for being drunk assholes if we get her in a limo. We were so very very wrong. I was in and out of random sleep planking all about the house (this is a usual thing - I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere) and in between mini sleep sessions I'd wake up do more shots with the boys and continue on with the day. When Fitzy got home - me, Phil and Roomie were all passed out outside, she was not happy to say the least. She walked in like a volcano/tornado/buzz saw combo that we were not prepared for, she also had Todd following in behind her (he had picked her up because she was so pissed at us. Those 2 ended up going to a pool party for a few hours to blow off some steam). Fitzy was yelling and getting in all of our faces because we had destroyed the house and apparently had a glass fight while in blackout mode because there was glass everywhere... not joking, fucking everywhere! She had every reason to be as pissed as she was but the 3 of us were still in a drunken stupor and couldn't figure out what the problem was and as you can imagine this infuriated her even more. Phil vanishes, Roomie vanishes, leaving me, Fitzy and Todd in the kitchen yelling at each other, well Fitzy and I were yelling and no one was paying any mind to Todd. I'm not really sure how the conversation went but I do remember telling her she was over reacting... this sent her even more over the top. After fighting with her for what seemed like eternity I too decided to vanish and packed the dogs into the car and headed over to the Roomies (I had not lived there at the time). I shouldn't have been driving AT all! Binge drinking sorrow after sorrow away for 2 whole days straight, I wasn't thinking properly. In my less than 2 mile drive to the Roomies I decided to head back to Fitzys and do... I have not fucking clue... what I ended up doing is walking through the door, grabbing the broom and randomly sweeping glass up. Her and I start yelling and carrying on and I leave for the last time of the night. I get to the Roomies and he and I continue to drink and talk about what the fuck just went down then my phone starts ringing off the hook. It's Fitzy. Apparently while her and I were throwing down Phil snuck out of the house and no one knew where he was and he didn't take his phone so they had assumed he came with me and the Roomie to resume drinking. They ended up finding him at the bar around the corner talking to the bartender about his problem, cliche, I know. I'm not sure exactly what had happened after that because I wasn't there, but the night ended with Fitzy turning into Mohamed Ali and punching Phil in the face a couple times.

I wake up the next morning pretty early, face down on the floor and wearing only my bathing suit and a tee shirt. Seeing as this weekend was such a shit show... I wouldn't expect anything less. I rounded up my pups and head home for the day. Before I even get out of the drive way I realize I need gas or I'm not making it home. Awesome. I head to the gas station and get out of the wearing the same outfit I had woken up in and high heals (because that's all I had). Of course, at the very moment I step out of the car to pump only the necessary amount of gas to get home and 5 cars pull up all of them are staring at the hot mess which is yours truly. Fucking spectacular. This day was know as pant-less Sunday, I was so sad about Fitzy and Phil leaving, the conversation I didn't remember I had with Matthew and the fight Fitzy and I got in to the night before. I was a mess, disheveled in a way I hadn't ever experienced before. I got home and could barely make it to my bed, I guess being full of self pity makes it difficult to do... well... anything. I change out of my bathing suit and into underwear and an over sized shirt and proceed to watch every sad movie I own, pushing me into a state of mind I don't care to revisit. Every movie and relationship I had applied to my own life even if it didn't apply to any situation or relationship, I made it fit and loathed the fact I was doing it. I felt as pathetic as I was acting. All day long pants were not an option, I walked my dogs with no pants on, went to the store to get booze (it was Wal-Mart so I fit right in). I was quite the shit show, and I'm not one for dramatics but I was full blown nut job. I kept telling myself how pathetic I was for feeling sorry for myself, what a fool I had been for thinking Matthew and I would ever be anything and kept calling myself "one of those girls". It was pretty bad. Phil had called me a few times but I didn't have the energy to pick up the phone laying right next to me, so he heytell'ed me (which is a sick app... if you don't have it, you should. It's a voice text message basically) saying that it's all said and done now and it's comical at this point. They wanted me to come over and have dinner with them but the catch was that Todd would be there. I told them thanks but no thanks. Phil had said something to make me feel guilty for not going because we all had limited time with each other so I maned up and put pants on and headed over. I walk in and they still thought I wasn't coming so they were a bit surprised to see me. I sit down and start talking about the night before, ignoring Todd every time he'd open his mouth - I was there for Fitzy and Phil and the only reason I had agreed to even come near Todd was due to extraordinary circumstances. Fitzy and I go inside and have a quick conversation (not in front of the guys) about what had went down with Matthew and I and since her and Phil have been together pretty much since birth she had zero advice. Her and I went back outside and reminisced about our hilarious times together then I went home to continue my sulking.

The Summer of Junior Year

That being said, there was no fucking way I was gonna be stuck in the country, almost an hour away from all my friends! Arguing that point with my father was a losing battle, I had already done too much to promise I'd never do it again. I did however have my best friend come with me and live with me for the summer. We will call her 'Lisa' because of the movie Girl, Interrupted - this is her favorite movie, but there are a few more reasons as well. She is a very emotional person, scared to take risks because she can only think of the negative out comes, very loving and warm, but also keeps distances between herself and others. Except when it came to me, her and I knew every single little sick and twisted detail about our lives and we never once threw it in each others face, no matter how upset or hurt we were. That was the first time I had experienced someone like her - someone who just listens instead of lectures or try to "fix" your problem. I on the other hand, pushed her to her absolute breaking point, I wasn't as passive with letting her be afraid of herself. I felt that if she would just let go, live a little, and have some fun - That all the voices inside of her would stop telling her things weren't possible. My aunt was also going to be there too. We will call her 'Maggie', simply because when we were kids we fought all the time and I had a Maggie Simpson doll (she had a hard plastic head) and 'Maggie' did something to piss me off so I clubbed her with it. Even though we were little kids we both remember this time very well. I assuming because she cried a lot and I got I big trouble for it.

This summer our search for shenanigans was is full force!!

My grandparents had build a 'play house' in back for us to chill in and have our own space. This thing was huge! It looked like a mini replica of their house, this thing stood about 20-30 ft high, 400 sq ft. It had a screened in front porch, loft and a room filled with couches, desks, TVs - whatever other crap we decided we needed. Maggie, Lisa and I lived in there the entire summer, best part about it was it's located about 50-60 yards from the house. Before leaving our home town Lisa grabbed her dads stash along with her clothes. We were ready to rock and roll! Maggie lived and went to school there so we always had people to chill with. I'm sure the order of events may be jumbled, lets face it between the booze, drugs and good times - it all blended together. Dan was a couple years older then us and lived around the corner so he would always would come and pick us up and cart us around - cut and dry, he did whatever we asked. He would bring along his 2 guy friends CJ and Josh and we would all go on their motorcycles and cruise around together. I happened to think Josh was good looking so I claimed him as my biking buddy. He was about 6 ft, blue eyes, light brown hair, athletic build (he was a farmin' boy). I would also shamelessly flirt with him when we would all be hanging out even though I knew he had a girl friend, he didn't pay much attention to me making passes at him. We would all hang out at CJ's house and the boys would make us go their to watch them in the garage fixing up their cars. Dan was not good looking by any means, but he was always nice, funny and in a good mood. He maybe weighed 170lbs and stood about 6' 5ish, blue eyes, blonde hair that was always a hot mess. He had a thing for Lisa and would always make her ride with him. I'll tell ya one thing; Lisa could care less. CJ was the hound of the group. He had a girl friend and was always bragging about how he hooked up with a bunch of other chicks. He wasn't very good looking either, he was 5' 9ish, heavy set, sandy brown hair, he was kind of a dick. Maggie went to school with him so by default she got stuck with him.

Every morning we would wake up still drunk and the 3 of us start chatting, smoke, and re enacting the previous nights drunken escapades, as we did every other morning. Dan would always show up when we got up because he lived like 5mins down the road with a roommate so we would get ready and all go over there and party. I remember one day we're sitting there doing our usual thing, Lisa and Dan get up to listen to music in his room. Maggie and I are shooting the shit with his roomie and realize they've been in there for a while. Immediately her and I get up and head for his door, sure enough, locked. Maggie and I ask the roommate to drive us home to get some stuff. We get back and those two fools are still not out in the living room, Maggie and I figured we'd fuck with them, we held the door shut and yelled fire until they ran out of the room. Messed up on our part? Eh, debatable. Lisa is so fucked up, she asks me where I've been so I told her I went to the house to grab some stuff, she yells at me and tells me I'm lying and the reason she knows I'm lying is because she "ran to the house, touched it and then came back". Her and I start arguing because she called me a liar and I'm not as fucked up. She was being crazy and every time I challenged her on it she would say something like "Okay, okay, so I didn't touch it, I just ran all the way up to it and then turned around when I didn't see you" this conversation went on for a good half hour. I thought she deserved some pay back for her nonsense and she was passing out. So I walk over to some messy thing that was on the coat hanger and throw it on her, I started running around and yelling "SPIDERS!!". She ran around with that things for few minutes until she figured out how to get it off and realized what an asshole I had been. Good thing she loves me. When we got sick of being at Dan's we would go to the movies which took about 30mins to get to.I would always sit shotgun so I could have full control of the radio and Lisa and Maggie in the back. I would always do things to make them all nervous like sit on the door with just my legs inside and jam out! I'd lean back to the point they would think I was falling. One night I'm hanging out the window our theme song comes on and all of a sudden Lisa and Maggie were out the window with me. We are singing at the top of our lungs, jammin' and banging on the roof of the car, Dan was yelling but he knew we weren't gonna get in the car. We did that pretty much every time we got in his car from then on out. We hung out with Dan the most until he switched his work schedule and then we didn't get to see him as often.

After we were done hanging out with Josh and Kenny we kept hanging out with Matt. He seemed alright he was always hanging out with us when we were over at Josh's. We hung out with him a hand full of times just me, him and Lisa and we all seemed to get along until he thought it'd be a good idea to tell everyone he worked with (which happened to be mutual friends of mine) that he had a threesome with Lisa and I. Never happened. I was, to say the least, completely fucking pissed! I called him up and tore him up! I will never be made to look like a fool for something I didn't do. I berated him so badly that the next day he went into work and told everyone it was utter bullshit. Even after he did that I still made him grovel... I wouldn't return his calls or anything (Texting wasn't even something that was available) I ended up making him feel so bad that he came to my papa's house and brought me flowers. Okay, okay... I don't have a heart of ice here. I forgave him and we continued to hang out until this night...  Like I said, Lisa was on depression meds and shouldn't have been drinking but warning labels are for assholes so we drank to that. Matt brought us over to his "friends" house to drink one night and it was us and 4 other guys including Matt. I distinctly remember drinking coronas solely because we weren't into beer at this time and only drank hard liquor, her and I start drinking and these guys were being really fucking weird from the start. We were all sitting in this tiny ass studio apartment, it was so small that while sitting on the couch you could touch both the bed and the fridge at the same time. The kitchen was no exception there was a table in there and when you opened the fridge the pathway from the living room to the bathroom was completely blocked. That being said, Lisa wasn't feeling good and the meds/beer combo wasn't sitting well with her. She got up to get sick and one guy had been re stocking beer in the fridge, she tried to push past him several times but couldn't say anything in fear she'd puke right there. She finally pushes past him and doesn't make it... to say the least. Projectile vomit all over the kitchen floor. Me being the good friend that I am go running after her to help her out and make sure she's okay. Since the kitchen as so small and I was drunk running full force into the kitchen, I didn't do a good job dodging the puke on the floor and I step right in it. I was running pretty fast  because I stepped in it and slid across the entire kitchen and slammed into the stove knocking over pretty much everything in or around it as well as falling on the ground myself. I'm covered in my best friends puke, pretty much head to toe. I finally get to the bathroom and Lisa is still throwing up and yelling at the top of her lungs "I'm fucking disgusting! I just fucking puked everywhere!!! Did you see that??? Ewwwwww!!!!". I run right past her and stand in the shower and I too start puking, I usually have a very strong stomach but being covered in someone elses vomit really does a number on you. Her and I are yelling and carrying on like this for about 10mins, I'm yelling that I'm covered in her puke and she is repeating herself calling herself gross, we look at each other and are hysterically laughing for another 10mins as we clean each other up. We come out of the bathroom and these guys had cleaned up all the vomit off the floor and are looking at us like assholes. It was time to leave, obviously. As we try to leave these guys (minus Matt) start pulling on our clothes and try to unbutton our pants... shit got real serious, real fucking quick. Lisa and I are in shock, Matt is just fucking standing there like a fucking coward. I am not having this shit! I push all of them off of us and grab Lisa's hand and move to the door- still being pulled at. Her and smack the shit out of one or 2 of the guys, it was pretty hard to tell and to be honest, I blocked this out of my memory for a long while. To be clear, nothing happened. Lisa and I walk out and stand downstairs waiting for our sorry excuse of a "man" to come down and take us home. If Matt thought my berating was bad about the threesome he had no idea what he was in store for.., he gets into the car and Lisa and I sit in back, that mother fuck can drive us like hes our god damn chauffeur while I called him every name in the book... honestly, he may have even cried, I was ruthless, but no one will try to put their unwelcome hands on me while  a guy who's suppose to be our "friend" sits there and watches that shit go down. No Fucking Way! This was the last time I had saw or spoken to Matt, Lisa on the other hand still talked to him against what happened, which pissed me right the fuck off. This caused a bit of animosity between her and I when I found out.   

Lisa would come up on the weekends at this point and hang out with all of us. We were really into partying in crazy locations... most of which were cliffs. One night a few of my guy friends from my home town came up to party and we went to a cliff and started drinking. It was a great time until I got jealous that the boys could pee over the edge and the girls had to walk to a disclosed location and squat. It pretty much went without saying that I too would try to pee of the cliff. Lisa, Maggie and I all head to a different location (as much as I wanted to do it I wasn't giving out a free show here) so we walk over to where the boys cant see and I drop trow and held on to the girls hands leaned my ass over the edge and started to pee. Gravity hates me and I start peeing on my leg, I have the girls pull me in and we laugh all the way back to the guys, not ever mentioning what I had just done. It was a pretty great inside joke. On another day Steve and Cody took all of us to a different place where there was a waterfall and we all went cliff jumping. If I were to elaborate as to how many things we did that could have killed us that summer... we'd all look like nut cases. We had fun regardless of anything or anyone.

Honestly, until now I had totally forgotten about this date that Cody and I had, it was probably one of the nicer, most thought out dates I've ever had. He packed up a picnic basket and took me to a water fall somewhere in the woods and we sat in the middle of the waterfall on this big rock and enjoy our lunch. If you've ever seen Ugly Truth the scene where they are having a picnic in the woods by a waterfall... it was like that but way more beautiful.

As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end and it did. We wrapped up the summer, packed up our shit, said our goodbyes and went home.

4th of July - Shit Show Weekend

Before I get into the juicy details I wanted to give you guys the comical twist as to how Matthew and I exactly met...

Todd and I had made amends and we were trying to be civil at a mutual friends birthday party, well in my quest to come to a mutual standing with Todd we had hooked up, again - I'm a glutton for punishment. It was after that he went back to the "we can be together" nonsense. It had been over a month since we had hooked up and we were trying to be friends again, another bad idea. He ended up coming over before we went out and we had gotten into a fight because he wanted to revisit yet another painful convo about how we should be together. We had plans to meet up later on to go out with a bunch of people and head to the 51's game for $1 beer night, I had told Todd I wasn't going to go if he was going to be his usual dramatic self. He agreed that he could handle it for that night and that we should still all go. We get there and in the group it was me, 1 other chick and 3 guys (including Todd and my roomie). I hadn't known the chick very well at the time but her and I decided we were going to do the single girl thing and prowl the stadium... nothing serious, just looking. (We will call her Renee this is only due to my lack of creativity and the sole fact it's her middle name.) We sit back down with the guys who had been double fisting all night ($1 beer night has a rule that you can't buy more that 2 at a time per person) so rather than the guys be gentlemen those jerks decide to only get some for themselves and leave us girls, dry - not cool. She and I head up to the beer stand and she looks at her phone and then looks at me and says:
"We're meeting my friend Matthew here, let me know what you think of him"
My reply was very simple seeing as I had just fought with Todd not even 3 hours prior "Renee, Dude, Seriously... See that crazy person down there (pointing to Todd)? I don't need any additional headaches or crazy people! I'm sure he'll be cute, I'm just not interested"
She gives me a look and a smile "Okay, let me know if you change your mind..."
I just laugh at her and start drinking my beer. We head back down to our seats and we were having a competition within our group as to who can drink the most, after you were done drinking your beer you would keep the cup to make sure there was no cheating at the end we'd count up the cups to see who is victorious. This game sucked, Renee and I combine ours together to get the boys panties in a bunch which it did then I got tired of listening to them so I lit a cig and just as I was nearly finished with it, I was asked to put it out by a 12yr old girl... apparently, this is frowned upon, Oops! The boys and Renee make fun of me mercilessly for being called out by a kid and for being a complete idiot for smoking in a stadium. It was after this that Matthew, who was sitting adjacent to us, came over and sat behind us girls, we were sitting on the opposite side of the bench next to all the guys. Her and Matthew worked together so they were having a casual conversation and then Renee introduces him to me with a smirk on her face, I turn around to shake his hand and DAMN IT - he's absolutely beautiful - I'm not kidding and I wish I was. Immediately I know this is going to be a problem, I'm already curious about this tall, handsome, green eyed stranger, who is sitting right behind me. So, I do what the only thing I can at this point - I turn back around and pretend to be interested in the game and casually answer questions or laugh when I hear something funny - but that's IT! I barely turned around while he was there, however when we went got up to get more beers I'd eye fuck the shit out of him... This is me doing the best I could to restrain myself! Anyways, after the game we all get in the car and head back to Renee’s' house and its me, my roomie, Renee, her friend, and Todd is driving us all back, out of no where he gets super pissy and leaves when we arrive at her house because "no one is paying attention to him" - pathetic right? None of us care that he is leaving... it was too dramatic already. We had beers and stuff at her house so we continue to drink and I had no idea but Matthew was going over there too... so we're all a hot mess and keep drinking and having a good time, I have no clue what was said or done - I just know it was funny. After a few episodes of Tom & Jerry, me and the roomie leave and head home seeing as it's a Thursday night and we have work in the morning.

It's Friday before the 4th of July holiday weekend and I wake up not in it to win it AT ALL. I was dog/house sitting for Fitzy and Phil who were home, in NH, for a wedding. I get up, throw myself together, go to work, went to a few appointments, get through the last appointment and head back to Phil’s. The entire night before and today Todd was texting me and I hadn’t been responding to him because I had let him know we can not hang out at all because he can not deal with it or act normal. Since I’m in outside sales I am constantly on my phone checking fb, emails, agenda, etc. before I walk into my first appointment I look on fb and noticed I had a friend request, I check it and it's Matthew - great. What the hell do I do now? ....Accept friend request and start in with my witty sarcasm, of course! Right off the bat he answers me back and is just as sarcastic and witty as I am, at this point I'm completely intrigued as to why he is in Vegas. If you don't know Vegas then you have no idea what I mean... (But I hope this helps a bit) not that I was looking for anything, but it's nice to be wanted and to have normal conversations with normal people. To put it quite blank - the quality of people here is terrible, even if you're just looking for friendship. This is why I think I found him fascinating... he's good looking, funny, sarcastic, and down to earth - I had started to feel people like this had not existed in Vegas and he and I even shared the same feelings on this theory. Our ridiculous convo continues all day and it was wrapped up by him saying "ok Poindexter. What’s your number, I'll shoot you a text when I'm done being awesome" and my reply was "Ha... That would mean you would have had to start" and gave him my #. I happened to post on fb earlier that day that I wanted to see "Bad Teacher" and asked who would like to join me. There were a few people who said they'd go and then later on bailed out. Which wasn't that big of a deal because I had told the roomie I'd chill with him and he could just come over to Fitzys and I'd cook dinner and we'd just veg out. After the roomie and I ate dinner I get a text from Matthew and the convo went something along the lines of:
"What time you going to the movie?"
I replied "Not tonight, everyone bailed"
"Still wanna go?"
Ummm YEA, I do...
He and I finished up discussing times and meet up spots and I had kicked out the roomie so I could start getting ready. All the while Todd had been texting me like a maniac and I had still not been replying to him.

Hold on tight for what’s about to come... this shit spirals out of control.... 

**Before I continue you need to know the reason why Todd was so over the top this weekend... There was a guy in town that same weekend that he knew I had history with and he thought I was going to go see him. Which per our conversations, I can do whatever I want and hold no commitment to him.

After I'm done getting ready and trying to look hot, trust me, this take a lot of work! Matthew is on the way and not only comes to pick me up, but comes to the door and comes in for a minute to meet the "Woof Pack" (the dogs). Can you say "Major brownie points!"? He waits around for me to finish putting away some stuff and we head out to the movie at the Red Rock Casino. My phone continues to blow up with calls and texts from Todd - it is past 11:00pm when we get there, so I turn my ringer completely off - not even vibrate. During the movie Matthew is making jokes in my ear about how I'm like one of the characters on the movie... she happens to be the overweight, pathetic, socially awkward, push over friend - I am not offended in the slightest -I actually have a sense of humor. He got his balls busted right back about some dorky characters I said he'd resembled or I said he'd totally be into the characters he had said I'd resembled. Even in a movie, we had a really good time and I'm sure we made a few people mad due to the whispering and additional laughter not caused by the movie. The movie is finally over, and I can barely remember what it's about, I was just enjoying the company. We split to use the restrooms and I check my phone (hey, it's not technically considered using your phone on a date if you check it when the other person isn't there, right?) and I see, mind you this is only a 3 hour period from the last time I checked my phone, 4 missed calls and 6 texts from Todd. Oh brother, what a total freak show. I never answered any of these calls or texts because I didn't want to and it's about 2 am for all he knows I could be sleeping and I told that fool we weren't hanging out at all anymore because he doesn't know how to act, obviously.

Matthew and I meet back up and he asks what I feel like doing - going back home, drinks, etc. I opted for drinks just so I wouldn't be as nervous as I was. Generally I'm not a shy or nervous person but since he was the closest thing to normal I'd experienced in Vegas I didn't want to come off as the weird one and scare him off. He asks if I have a preference as to where we go, I don't, so he comes up with a place and we start driving there. The place he decided to go to was about 10 or 15mins down the road so we continue having casual conversation until we pull in and park. Before I open the door to get out I look at him, he's grinning and he says "I hope you're prepared to get your ass kicked" I'm pretty thrown off by this then he says in reply to my puzzled look "Shuffleboard, that's why we came here" I laugh and start talking shit as we head inside. We sit down at the bar and I order 2 beers and 2 shots of jamo... it's time to test the waters with this guy. We ended up having to wait a little bit for one of the tables to clear so we do our shots and start talking about random things, until we land on a topic we could not stop talking about... crazy people/dating in Vegas. This delights me; I have at least a dozen stories that were awful. He and I had so many really funny horror stories, we were laughing, comparing and trying to "one up" the other persons crazy date with another story of our own. Considering I have Todd wrapped up in these stories, I felt like I had won this "crazy person battle". By the end of this convo we came to the decision that we were not going to call what we were doing a "first date" because they never go right after that. The table finally opens up and he and I continue drinking shots, beers and having good time. We get though one game and he wins. We start another game and these 2 chicks who were playing pool at the table next to us come up and start telling us how cute we are and asked how long we'd been in a relationship, I look at the chicks and then at Matthew, laugh and say "I'll let you take this one..." and go back to taking my turn. He laughs looks at his watch and then back at the chicks and says "Well... about 5-6 hours". Of course they think we're kidding and I had reassured them that we have in fact only known each other for about 6 hrs. At some point we had kissed in the middle of all this - I'm not one of those girls who remember things like date, time, what we were wearing, and what song was playing in the background, etc. that's not me. What I can tell you is it was a perfect balance between soft, passionate, and all in all one of those kisses you think to yourself "WOW" but I spend the entire time trying to figure out what's wrong with this guy? This throws me for even more of a loop. He and I continued playing a few more games while we were still chatting and flirting, I hadn't had this much fun with a guy I'd been attracted to in a very long time - it was a strange feeling. It's either a really good looking guy that you just can't stand because he's wearing his Ed Hardy tee talking like a douche or a guy who you immediately stick into friend zone. We finished up our last game and round, as much as I hate to admit it, he was totally right... He whooped my ass in shuffleboard - bad. I use the ladies room prior to leaving, it's only a 15-20min drive but I have a toddler size bladder, I look at my phone for the first time after the movie and I have at least 2 missed calls from Todd every hour on the hour accompanied by texts as well... Fucking nut case. I'm feeling a bit uneasy now wondering why he's acting like a psychopath but chose to deal with it later. Matthew and I walk out to the car and discover its past 5:30am and we concur that we both, obviously, had a really great time tonight. We get 2 blocks away from Fitzy & Phil’s house and I start feeling uneasy, he takes the first right and before he takes the second right on to their street I ask him to slow down and I looked up and down the street making sure Todd didn't make an unexpected visit, his car is no where in sight and I feel like I'm just being paranoid because of the fact the calls had stopped. (This is another story, but Todd's been known to "just stop by" at all different hours in the day.) We pulled in to the driveway; I asked if he wanted to come in for a night cap... no funny business here! Just a night cap! We walked in; I locked the door (still feeling paranoid), grabbed a cig and walked out to the back yard. I hadn't smoked because it was a date and I don't need a cig every couple hours and to be completely honest I left them home because I knew Matthew didn't smoke but after a few cocktails, I wanted one. Bad. In a hurry to smoke I don't even recall letting out the Woof Pack and I certainly remember not grabbing a beer for either of us. I light up and he and I continue our awesome "date"... Then I saw it...

Board shorts through the sliding glass door. Here. We. Go.

Matthew looks at me and I'm assuming by the puzzled look and the apparent lack of pigment in my face he knew what I was looking at... the door is flung open and hits with a loud "crack" and "bang". After that I wish I knew exactly how it went, and I'll do my best but he had such a surprise factor that I may miss some detail. I remember him screaming and yelling asking "Who's this guy?!?" I'm so fucking pissed at this time I remember distinctly how hot my face was and I was yelling in his face telling him to leave and get out, I'm sure I said "Psycho" at least 100 times. I asked him why he was even there and his weak ass reason was "I was coming over to be nice, and cuddle and make you breakfast" I laugh in his face, I've never really been the type of girl that enjoys someone breaking in and snuggle raping me, not only can he NOT cook but he showed up drugged out and drunk with no breakfast foods - kinda hard to make breakfast without ingredients, don't ya think? This blatant lie makes my blood boil even more I'm still yelling and I say "You fucking lunatic-psychopath, how did you get in?? You fucking broke in! Now you need to leave!!" this does not even faze him. Whatever I had said triggered a macho show down, Todd was telling Matthew to leave first, then he'd go and to stop starring at him (which is obviously hard to do after this scene ...at 6:30am). Matthew handled it almost too well... didn't raise his voice or lose his cool. He's a better man then I could have been had the roles been reversed, I'm impressed even in all my furry. I walk away and stand in the door way and say through my teeth "Hey, mind if I talk to you in here for a moment?" dumb ass actually listens and walks through the door, I slam it closed and I'm in his face telling him to "Get out!!" he obviously didn't realize that this was his final warning. I balled my hands up into a fist and punched him in the face - 2ce - one blow after another, he's stunned and I scream again "GET THE FUCK OUT!" and head back outside to do some serious damage control. I walk outside and sure enough Todd is right behind me continuing to scream and yell. He even has the audacity to sit back down and start all over again with the macho bullshit. Matthew has finally had enough; while still staying collected he gets up and leaves with out a word. This. Is. Bullshit. I finally meet a nice, good looking guy who I get along with and has a similar personality and my impeccable timing and terrible decisions leave me outside in the back yard fighting with a coked out bald guy...at 7am. I call Matthew a couple times after he was gone and left a voice mail because I was trying to explain myself - he didn't answer but really, could you blame him? I couldn't. All the while Todd is still carrying on and says "How do you think RENEE would feel about you dating her friend?" I did not bring up the fact that she had suggested it. Then he starts calling her and leaving her voice mails telling her all about it. In my drunken state I go to the bathroom and lock the door and I too call Renee and leave her a voice mail giving her the gist and let her know not to answer her phone. Once I'm done with my message I storm out of the bathroom and charge right for Todd, punch him in the face again while insisting to get out or I would not only call the cops but a restraining order would also be issued. At last, Todd had admitted defeat and left slamming the door so hard behind him that the picture frames on the wall rattled.

I pass out for a couple of hours and woke up before noon and ready to aggressively start drinking my feelings away. My day starts by a friend calling and asking if I wanted to go get sushi with her - no, not really - but I need to vent out this whole situation and they serve booze, right? I'm in. I get to the spot before her and I sit down at the sushi bar and only order a beer and large hot sake - no food. She arrives and orders food while I'm complaining and carrying on about how my awesome night gone terribly-terribly wrong, ate like a bird, drank like a fish and then we parted ways. I get back to Fitzy’s and I send the roomies a text to come over and as I put it "aggressively hate drink" with me, but they had strict instructions to call me prior to coming, other wise they were not going to be let in. I had that place locked down like Fort Knox, spare key was no longer left outside, all the sliding glass doors were jammed up with broom sticks and I kept most of the lights off at night - I was freaked the fuck out that this lunatic had broken in and there really wasn't anything from stopping him from doing it again. I'm outside sitting by the pool polishing off my 5th "Crazy Mary" (Pint glass full of ice, 60% citron vodka, slash of sour, splash of water) when they arrived, I didn't say much, just fixed them up a cocktail and we went back poolside.  I had invited over another acquaintance as well and she was also on the way. I had filled the boys in on what had transpired the night before prior to my other guest arriving and as sad as it sounds they weren't too surprised at what Todd had done. My other guest arrived and all 3 of them had been filled in on my mission for the day... Drink until I couldn't feel feelings anymore. After at least 5 more crazy Mary's and shots to boot... mission complete, I passed out on all of them by like 9 and I heard them leave at 9:30ish, I got up and locked the door behind them, checked the windows, sliding glass doors, turned off all unnecessary lights and went back to bed.

I woke up early Sunday morning and was still completely beside myself. I couldn't stop replaying Friday/Saturday morning in my head. This is when I decided I need to drink more - apparently yesterdays therapy hadn't worked as well as I hoped it would. I ended up running out of booze at some point mid day and was too busy feeling like a sorry ass to collect myself and head to the store. I had called the roomies to bring more beer and to come over and keep me company. After waiting for those guys for a few hours with no distractions or booze, I can't help but think about different scenarios and how it could have been so different. By this time I'd been staring at my phone for almost a day and a half waiting to see if I'd ever get that call back... nope. I couldn't take it anymore I'm not one to sit around and wait for anything, and if Matthew wasn't going to talk to me ever again I wanted to know right then and there, rather than waiting to see if he'd ever forget the worst night of his dating life. I take out my phone and sent a text that said "Any chance I can get a rematch?". Yes, I was trying to be both witty and cute, I'm not sure exactly what happened... it could be because he's just as mentally deranged as me and likes to play with fire, or maybe I am just that awesome (the first is way more likely) but he texted me back... It may have been a slight jab - but hey, it was a start. We send a few texts back and forth and I ask if he'd meet me somewhere because he obviously needed some explanation as to why I had walked him into a buzz saw. We agreed to meet at a bar right around the corner from Phil’s, I throw myself together and walk over. I get there a few minutes earlier than him, I sit down at the bar order a shot and a beer... I needed to be clear headed. He walks in and sees me and heads over my way, I have a smirk on my face the entire time, not because I thought anything was funny just for the simple fact he had actually shown up. I get him a drink and we get right into the whole sch-bang, I explain in the simplest way the story behind me and Todd, he'd ask questions and I answered them all, as much as I didn't want to. He was owed an explanation however bringing up exes or hook ups or whatever is always unconformable - this was much worse. We hashed it all out and its sill not the best but at least I had a chance to explain myself. He and I were now kinda laughing about the whole ordeal and bring up the crazy coincidence that we had talked about our horror dating stories... I'm not sure if I'll ever forget what he said next "Remember the story I told you about the worst date I've ever had? Well, you've just moved up to the #1 spot" OUCH! I deserved that... I deserved that, and it's true, that was the craziest date I've ever been a part of as well. I retaliated with the most clever line I could muster "If yer not first, yer last" and went on to tell him at least I'm memorable even if it's for the worst possible reason. From my recollection I believe there was more shuffleboard involved and I had won this time around. Then the night had come to an end and I had let him know I'd be taking off and walking back, he was being a stubborn ass and protested that he would drive. We pulled up to the house, he parked and we made out like high school kids out in front of their parents house then parted ways for the night.

Today, Monday was 4th of July. One of my favorite holidays, I like the fact that it's an under played holiday therefore the usual holiday debauchery doesn't happen (family fights, everyone bitching and moaning about whatever) and I LOVE fireworks. Matthew sends me a last minute text (as he so frequently does) to go out with him and watch fireworks! I was asked by some other friends to go to a mansion party with them OR I could go chill and watch fireworks - I'll take the second one! I forget what time Matthew came over but I'm sure we were running a bit behind schedule because I remember; we left in a hurry knowing that parking was also going to be a bitch. We head over to the Red Rock Casino and it's packed, parking wasn't as much trouble as we thought but we did have to walk a bit. Before heading to the parking lot we grab some beer and find a place to sit, my place of choice was on a curb in the middle/right side of the parking lot. He and I sit down crack a beer watch the fireworks and before our first beer is even done - the show is over... I was pretty disappointed, not gonna lie, but fuck it, why waste the night? Matthew kept asking what I wanted to do with the rest of the evening and I had let him know drinking beer in a parking lot is just fine with me, at this statement he laughs and says he's never met such a weird chick who can or would want to just chill where ever, like in a parking lot and be cool with it. What can I say - I like to make my own fun. We finish off the beers while we conversed about how the fireworks were better in NY, cracking jokes on each other and whatever else came to mind. We walk back to the car and drive back to the house, he comes in for a while (despite his reservations) it got pretty late and we had work in the morning so we called it a night and he headed home.

All in all I'd like to say this was a pretty good weekend, and as scared as I was on Saturday morning... it was a good story and it taught me a lot: never hook up with crazy people, when on a date and someone calls you 20+ times - it might be smart to fix the problem then and there, always know when a crazy person is on the loose and where the spare key is at all times! Even still to this day Matthew and I refer to our first date as "The day we don't speak of" no matter how great it was in the beginning... the end did major damage!

It's Time For You To Meet "Tard/Todd"

I know, I look like a hot mess and may resemble Olive Oil off of Popeye... Shut it!

PS. I'm not sure why YouTube hates me and always shows a dumb face I'm making... but enjoy

Last Weekend "Damn... I Suck"

Last weekend/week has been pretty crazy and I didn't need anymore stress so that's why there haven't been posts for the past week. My best friends in the whole wide world moved to NY officially last weekend, I've had friends in town and I'm moving as well... So I have shit going on I'm not just being a lazy ass!

My best friends happen to be a couple; the guy bestie left a week prior than his fiancee but before they left we had a killer party at VooDoo and celebrated getting older, great friendships and moving up in the world. (Of course there is a longer version of this shit show of a night, but too many characters have to be explained... be patent!) Sunday after the party my guy bestie, which we will call "Phil" (this is his drunken/blacked out alter ego that was established prior to me knowing him, either way - I dig it) took his flight and left to go to NY. I cried, as happy as I am, it's bittersweet. His fiancees' flight was last week on Sunday, we will call her "Fitzy" (this is again an alter ego established prior to me and you guessed it - I still dig it). Fitzy and I had more time to party before she left, we went out to a friends house for dinner on Monday, Thursday went to B-dubbs with a couple of other girls and the jamo was flowing... I'll take only 98% of the blame. Needless to say we were super drunk and I had been the person who drove everyone. Thank god my roomies called and wanted me to put in a order of wings and they would come pick it up, perfect!! My roomie got the pleasure of driving all of us drunk fools back to Fitzy house. I wake up late on Friday and was suppose to hit the road to go to UT to see one of my clients but completely forgot that my roomie had my car. I call him and he's in a meeting... hmm... not much else I can do at this point. So I decided since I was already late I'd bullshit with Fitzy and enlighten her on more stories that make me - me. She was somewhat horrified a bit, doesn't judge, but actually complements me saying I'm one of the best at handling adversity. Roomie comes and gives me my car and I finally get on the road and head to UT. This is how I arrived at "Canyon Rant". After work I finish up some final touches on Canyon Rant, got dressed and headed back over to Fitzys'. She wants to go out and dance at Blue Martini like we did the weekend prior and we actually had a pretty good time there. Didn't have any random guys trying to grind on us or have any stage 5's following us all over. Being stuck in a town full of meat head, industry douche bags that think they can dry hump you on the dance floor, being left alone - this never happens.

To say the least, this chick is never on time for anything! I don't mind anymore because I always tack on at least an hour to whatever time she wants to meet up or leave or whatever. I get there and she's sitting at the computer finishing up this incredibly sweet video made up of pics of me, her and Phil, the good times we've had and songs we all love in the background. It's about 10:30pm at this point and she was trying to upload her video to fb but it kept giving her error messages so this goes on for another half hour until she admits defeat and goes and starts getting ready. In the mean time this guy I've been seeing (or whatever... I don't know the difference between all of that shit... "Dating" "Seeing" "Going out" so fill me in) calls and is in a bad/weird mood and wants to drink. Heavily. We will call him "Matthew" solely due to the fact he looks very much like Matthew McConaughey, I wish I was kidding. I told him I would swing by and grab him when Fitzy was all ready, it's now approaching 11:30. By the time we search for keys, cards, and give ourselves a once over - it's 11:45 and we head to Matthews house. Drive down to Blue Martini, find a parking spot, fuck with the door men that I joked around with the week before, find a spot at the bar, order a beer and a shot, and consume - it's now 12:30ish. The night set up pretty well... drinks and dancing! Matthew was dealing with some of his own problems (which you will hear more about) so he was not socializing with us and that in turn pissed Fitzy off because she feels it's bringing down the mood... it may have slightly. We decided it was time to go, the music wasn't as good as last week anyways; at this time it's like 3:30am. I plan on driving back to Fitzys' house because I have to catch a flight at 8am to visit my girls in Salt Lake City. Fitzy grabs one ride and Matthew and I grab another and we head to his house, he and I start having a discussion about our situation and whatnot so I continue driving just because I hate hate hate having serious conversations, as much as it needed to happen, I like still having the option of being distracted. This conversation lasts about another hour and we finally decide it's time for Matthew to go home and for me to go to Fitzys' and sleep. However with the short drive that turned long I had to pee and lets just say I didn't end up meeting back up at Fitzys' house. Instead...

        Saturday night wasn't anything crazy me, Fitzy and the roomies just hung out at the house for a bit, went and got sushi - sake and Sapporo's (yum), grabbed more beer and booze and kept the party going till we all passed out. Waking up Sunday was terrible though... Fitzy was going to be gone on later on that day too. This sucks... but it was game face time, literally...

The Rest of the day pretty much played out as follows:
Whiskey Shot
Whiskey Shot
Beer
Whiskey Shot
Beer
Fitzys' final goodbye Vegas
Whiskey Shot
Whiskey shot
Beer
Bed
Yea... But the Bills were 2-0 at this point... it was a weird day...

Canyon Rant

Today has been pretty annoying. My Best friends in the whole wide world are officially moving to NY and will be gone by Sunday. I am going to UT this weekend (which I'm still excited about) but today I've been pretty sad about the situation. So instead of writing a blog I did a few video rants becasue I was so pissed off today because of The Ex...

I'm sorry for all the swearing but he was on some bullshit today!

And then Traffic!